A calling is born!
For the sake of time, let's start in 2012. I was sick for the third time in two months. The previous illness, a simple cold, had led to a 911 call when I lost consciousness on the cold floor of a grocery store checkout line. I was utterly drained, as if every ounce of energy had been zapped from me. Fortunately, I regained consciousness with the help of a few EMTs and a loud, persistent man who could rouse even the dead. Nevertheless, I picked myself up and pressed on.
Overwhelmed and lost as to where to seek lasting help, I knew something needed to change, but I hadn’t quite had enough yet.
When the next cold hit me, I went to the doctor again, determined to get better by addressing the cold rather than its root cause.
However, that particular day was different. For starters, I was emotional. From the time I woke up, tears wouldn’t stop flowing. I consider myself tough and never cry in front of even my closest family members. At the time, I thought showing emotion was a sign of weakness, or worse, failure. As far as I was concerned, neither was an option.
By 10 am, I encountered the phrase "God bless you" three times in different places: first at the local CVS, then at the grocery store, and finally at the doctor's office. It struck me as oddly coincidental, especially considering that it wasn’t appropriate in a doctor's office.
So there I was, explaining that I was feeling unwell and needed something, anything to get me back on my feet. After all, it was just a minor cold. The doctor looked at me with compassion and then excused herself. Minutes later, she returned with a "prescription."
She handed me a piece of paper with three Bible verses written on it. Wow! She was really breaking the rules.
Deuteronomy 31:6
“Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”
2 Corinthians 12:9
“…My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
Isaiah 41:10
“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
By that point, I knew something was definitely going on.
A few minutes later, I found myself sitting in my car, trying to collect my thoughts. I pathetically attempted to hide my face with my hands as I became a sobbing, wailing mess. Fortunately, the windows had fogged up enough to provide me with some privacy. In that moment, I had hit my lowest point.
Rock bottom can be different for each person, so don't judge me. In that moment, I was broken. My worst fears had come true. Perfection had always been my top priority, and now I was unable to function, let alone fulfill my responsibilities as a mom, wife, and professional. I cried and cried until there were no more tears left.
During this time in my life, I honestly didn’t know Jesus; I only knew of Him. Unfamiliar with His character and ways, I certainly didn’t realize that He was alive and right beside me. After all, I wasn’t anyone special. I didn't come from royalty or wealth, and I hadn’t achieved anything worthy of Jesus’s attention. I was just an ordinary woman, filled with sin and fierce independence like so many others.
Eventually, silence fell in that stuffy car, and my mind finally stopped scrambling. Then I heard an audible voice in my head say, “Now, are you ready for my help?”
Of course, one might think I was hearing things, and I certainly was. It's hard to explain, but when the Creator of the universe speaks, you listen. Your soul stands at attention, and your brain has no choice but to follow.
Through snot and tears, I finally said yes, “Yes, Lord. Please help me. I surrender. I admit that I can’t do this on my own. This life and this world are too big for me. I thought I could manage by myself, but I can’t, and I stand to lose everything. I beg you, please help me."
I wish I could say that life became perfect from that day forward, and I lived happily ever after, but that wasn’t the case. He did pick me up that day. He healed my cold and gave me supernatural strength to continue where I had none. Each passing day became a little easier, but the difference was that I now understood I wasn’t alone. You see, when Jesus spoke to me that day, it was another attempt to grab my attention and draw me to Him: the one true God, who loves and saves powerfully.
Stumbling by taking on too much and having too high expectations of myself and others, trying to do everything in my own power, and by assuming that if it seemed right to me, then God’s will would align, still happened. When you are as stubborn as I am, you have to learn the same life lessons the hard way, repeatedly, before they truly stick. Some habits are difficult to break.
My path to Jesus has been a long one; in fact, it began long before that significant event. It has been marked by twists and turns, filled with challenges, victories, and setbacks. I’ve had my foundation rocked, my beliefs questioned, and made a fool of myself a time or two. Once again, it seems I prefer to learn the hard way.
Ultimately, the downward spiral of my life evolved into a rollercoaster, where progress could only be measured by the overall trend, much like observing the stock market over an extended period. Jesus has revealed many Truths to me thus far, yet I have barely scratched the surface. Along that winding road, a deep hunger to know Him was ignited, and I pray that it never fades. Jesus showed me my brokenness and my need for a Savior. He healed me in many ways, although I still have a long way to go.
As I continued on this journey of growth and discovery, I began to feel a call to action. By 2019, one resounding notion had risen above the noise: Jesus saves, and I can help or stand by and watch. So, with lots of grace and courage, the calling to write my first book was born.